Early warning signs: A date

Nothing to say

I knew this date would be a clusterfuck. I knew this really wasn't something I should do, but I need something to kickstart the year. I indulged in self-harm, and as usual, I got what I deserved.

I started to talk to a girl on PoF and well she seemed fine if a bit boring. She never really had much to say. I figured perhaps she was just someone who is better in person, and that's no bad thing. 

We spent a couple of weeks talking that way, or at least chitchatting about nothing at all. I didn't learn too much about her and she didn't ask much about me. It was everyday 'hello' 'what's going on', things so inane you'd need to wash your brain out with Listerine. 

Some plans of mine fell through and she didn't have much going on so she agreed to meet up for dinner the other day. I didn't plan on speaking to her prior, except to confirm we were still on for the date. Apparently that wasn't her plan. 

A couple of hours before the date she messaged me and said... 

Do you have anything you'd like to ask me or tell me?

Do I have anything... I'll freely admit I over-analyse things to death. Ask me how I'm doing and I'll suspect you've put a hit out on me and are checking to see if I'm still alive.

I replied there wasn't anything that came to mind. Radio silence.

An hour or so went by and she messaged again. I didn't keep the text but it went along the lines of...

Don't make a move on me tonight

What the fuck? I'm pretty sure I'm not a sex attacker. In fact I know I'm not a sex attacker. Should I feel insulted? I was pretty god damn insulted. At this point I'm thinking the girl has had some fucked up experiences and I might be on the wrong end of a L&O: SVU inspired experience.

 I laughed it off, told her not to worry, that I wouldn't think of doing such a thing, especially on a first date.

Again at that point I was thinking of calling it off. Did I need the aggravation? This girl clearly has issues beyond first date nerves.

At this point I'll cope to some terrible dating form. I couldn't get a reservation for a table so I gambled on a place. It didn't come off and we spent 30 minutes or so walking around Soho looking for a place to eat. She took it pretty well to be fair, and extra points go to her.

Here's where the date nosedives. She had absolutely nothing of interest to say. That's no exaggeration. She couldn't hold a basic conversation.

I'd ask something about her, she'd answer, and that was it. No comeback question, no anecdote leading on to something. I felt like I was prepping her for court, or a university interview.

And then I realised she might be slightly special.

I asked her what she likes to do when she's kicking around at home. She said she likes to wonder around the house in her own world. She repeated that after I asked again. I gave her an out, I suggested she meant she liked to surf the net. Nope. She was determined to live in a daydream.

She then went on a huge rant about why she has to have two best friends, and why having two best friends is important just in case one of them fucks you over or disappears or something....

At that point the couple next to us stopped giggling, shot me a look and we all knew this was a life choice we would all regret.

I felt compelled to pay for dinner, more out of shell shock than chivalry. I suggested we get ice cream at a cool little place, I needed a sugar hit. I should have gone alone.

We sat in silence for 20 minutes after I informed her I didn't really like nuts in food. Who knew my anti-nut crusade would send the nut into silence.

Needless to say there will not be a second date.